The Dad Difference

The Dad Difference is a monthly column I write for a small, local newspaper: "The Liberty News."

Every Kid is a “10” in Something!

You might not know the name Michael Weatherly, but if you watch the TV show, NCIS, you know his character: Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo. Before he became a popular actor, Weatherly made a difficult decision. He knew that leaving college to pursue acting would disappoint his dad. What he didn’t know was that his millionaire father, who made his money importing Swiss Army Knives, would disown him for not following in his footsteps.

Many parents have dreams for their child that their child doesn’t share. I bet you know someone who is a disappointment to his or her parents simply because they decided their own path rather than follow their parents’ plan for their life.

Parents can decide to be architects or farmers when it comes to raising their children. An architect parent has a blueprint in hand and molds the child to a predetermined course. The farmer parent tills, waters and fertilizes the soil of their child’s life. They wait and see what grows and then they cultivate it to the fullest extent. Personally, I think farming is the way to go.

There is an often quoted, and often misapplied, verse in the Bible that speaks to a parent’s role in molding a child’s future. Perhaps you’re familiar with this verse from Proverbs:

Train a child in the way he should go,

and when he is old he will not turn from it. Proverbs 22:6 (NIV)

The verse seems straightforward enough, but it contains a question that needs resolved: who determines “the way he should go?” In looking at the Hebrew word translated “the way” we find an interesting clue. The Hebrew word, derek, which is translated “journey” or “the way” comes from a root word, derak, which means “to bend” or “to tread.” This is the word used for the process of bending a tree branch for the purpose of making a bow.

In ancient archery, long bows were not mass-produced. An archer would cut down a small tree and use the slender trunk for a bow. An ancient archer would not use a new bow until he learned its peculiar characteristics since no two bows would perform alike. If you were going to hit your target with a tree-trunk-bow, you had to use it on the bow’s terms—not yours.

In the same way each child is a unique, one-of-a-kind creation. One of the joys of parenting is discovering the particular gifts, passions and abilities of our children. We help our children understand where they are “10’s” and then through our encouragement and resources help them develop in these areas.

You might want your son to be a “10” in basketball, but find that he would rather play the drums. If so, say “good bye” to the basketball scholarship and invest in a set of drums (and a good set of ear plugs).

Your kid is a “10” in something. Help them find it, dad.

It's Time to Man-Up!

I love living in the Cleveland area. I think it is a great place to live and raise a family. Our area offers museums, great music, theaters, world-class hospitals, and four major sports franchises (welcome back Arena Football League: Cleveland Gladiators) just to name a few.

We, of course, have challenges in this area. My pastoral colleagues and I are raising an army to confront one of these challenges—the growing number of children growing up without a strong male role model in their lives.

The graph below shows the nature of our problem. I should point out that these are old statistics pulled off of my denomination’s research web site. We’ll have a fresh set of stats to look at next year after the 2010 census.


You can click on this graph to enlarge it

This graph tells us that ten years ago, more than one third of the children in our school district were living in a home without a strong male role model. It is reasonable to assume that this situation has worsened. We’ll soon learn what that percentage is today.

Consider the statistics listed below to get an idea of the problems that children face growing up without a strong male role model (Source: AllProDads.com).

63% of youth suicides
are from fatherless homes
(Source: U.S. D.H.H.S., Bureau of the Census)

90% of all homeless and runaway children
are from fatherless homes

85% of all children that exhibit
behavioral disorders come from fatherless homes
(Source: Center for Disease Control)

80% of rapists come from fatherless homes
(Source: Criminal Justice & Behavior, Vol 14, p. 403-26, 1978.)

71% of all high school dropouts
come from fatherless homes
(Source: National Principals Report on the State of High Schools .)

75% of all adolescent patients in

chemical abuse centers come from fatherless homes
(Source: Rainbows for all God’s Children.)

85% of all youths sitting in prisons grew up in a fatherless home
(Source: Fulton Co. Georgia jail populations, Texas Dept. of Corrections 1992)

I’ve been enjoying getting to know our state senator, Nina Turner. In a conversation we had last week she told me that she was raised by her mom and grandmother. She told me that her neighbors, relatives, and church family would step in to help single moms when their kids got out of line. Referring to the phrase “It takes a village to raise a child,” she said the village assisted her mom. She added thoughtfully, “But now the village is sick.”

The Mayor of Bedford, Dan Pocek, met with several local clergy members last week. He shared with us his concern over what he calls “a lack of civility” demonstrated by a growing number of young people in our community. A lack of civility has at its root the lack of respect for authority. One of the primary things a dad does is to teach his child to respect, and respond appropriately to, authority at an early age.

All of this points to a great resource need in our community. We need men to man-up! Dad, spend time with your kids. Teach them how to respect authority. Remind them that they are a one-of-a-kind creation. Love them like crazy. But . . . we need you to do a bit more than that.

Look around you. There are children in your neighborhood that would benefit more than you can imagine from just an hour of your time each week. Dads and Grandpas, can you widen your circle to include a kid that doesn’t have a dad or grandpa? Look around; you know some kids like this. In the months to come we will be launching some programs that will help you in connecting with a fatherless child. But don’t wait for a program. Invite your kid’s friends to your dinner table. Take an extra boy along the next time you go fishing. Take another kid with you on your next family outing. You’ll know what to do.

If we are going to reverse this trend, good men are going to have to get involved. It is time to man-up.

Running Again

After a long lay off, I have decided to lace up the old running shoes and hit the road. I will be running the Flying Pig Half-Marathon in Cincinnati to raise money for two groups of people: 30 teens from our church and the children in a small village in Belize. In June, our teens are leaving the affluence of our country to minister compassion to some of the poorest children in our hemisphere.

I call this a WIN/WIN/WIN/lose proposition. Our teens WIN because this will be a heart-expanding, life-changing experience for them. The children in a small village in Belize WIN because of the love that will be given to them and the tangible infrastructure that will be left behind to assist with their education. Debbie will WIN because her husband, whom she has been worried about, will be healthier. The "lose" part refers to my waist line.

In just a few weeks I will have a fund raising apparatus up and running (so start saving your nickles and dimes (preferably $5's and $10's).

Of Baseball, Pain, Hope & Class

Quite often a news story hits the papers (in this case, the Internet) that makes for a good sermon illustration. Usually, I’ll make a copy and put it in a file to use at a later date. This week, however, a story hit that is timely to many of my friends and members of my congregation. As a consequence, I’m not going to wait for an appropriate sermon to use this illustration.

Wedge Fired

The Cleveland Indians fired their manager, Eric Wedge, this week. Most of us saw it coming. This has been a long, hard, discouraging season for die-hard Tribe fans. This season has refreshed the painful memories of the Indian teams of my youth.

The highlight of the season

The best play of the year by a Cleveland Indian happened this week on Wednesday. And although it was the best play of the year, it won’t make the ESPN highlights. Eric Wedge met the media for fourteen minutes and hit a grand slam.

I am amazed by the grace Eric Wedge is displaying during the lowest point of his professional career. I have been challenged by his courage and class. Sports writer, Terry Pluto, who is no supporter of Wedge, summarized Wedge’s posture this way: “He was at his best in a situation that can bring out the worst in people.”

Wedge's press conference after being fired

Your best in situations

that usually bring out the worst

A lot of my friends reading these words today are going through tough times. Some of you are out of work. Some are battling cancer. Some are trying to piece back together a marriage. Some are just tired and beaten down by a number of circumstances. My prayer list is long, and if you are reading this, there is a good chance you are on it.

I want to challenge you, however, to realize that it is in your most adverse circumstance that your character and witness shine the brightest. As your family, friends and co-workers see your faith in the middle of your trial they take notice. They see authentic faith. More importantly, they see your Father who loves you and is committed to seeing you through this trial.

Anyone can have hope and faith during the sunny days of life. But, you do your greatest teaching and leading when you do so from an adverse situation. People will see Jesus more clearly in your life as they watch you during the storms of life. Your pain won’t last forever, but the lessons you’ve learned and taught during your pain will.

I want to encourage you to embrace your pain. Squeeze out of it every lesson your Father has for you. Pray that you will look more like Jesus coming out of this than you did going in. Put your face into the wind and press on hard. You are not alone. He will see you through. As He does, He will use you more than you can imagine.

Game on.